On the night you were born, the moon shone with such wonder
that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered
“Life will never be the same.”
Because there had never been anyone like you…
ever in the world.
Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn
on the wonderful, marvelous night you were born.
We have *finally* Become.
Far along: Thursday July 12, 2012: 38 weeks
Food aversions: None.
Food indulgences: Yep, still fruit.
Doctors appointments: High Risk MFM appointment x 1, Regular OB x 1, Non Stress Tests x 4 and our first time stepping foot in the labor and delivery ward for an external cephalic version x1. Cervix is still only a finger tip dilated, there have been no contractions and his arse isn’t engaged in my pelvis whatsoever.
I’m still breech after the ECV FAIL coupled the gestational diabeetus that recommends delivery no later than your due date, my OB and the high risk MFM agreed that 39 weeks is plenty enough cooking time for us and so as long as I don’t go into labor before hand, we have been officially scheduled for a C-Section next Friday 7/20 at 12pm.
My body, yep, it’s still an asshole. Got another new thing to add to my list of physical gripes…post the epic version FAIL-my blood pressure sky rocketed to 189/99. This impressed no one and got me all sorts of extra blood tests run for pre eclampsia and infections as well as a bunch of ADDITIONAL monitoring and my first stint on ordered bed rest.
Things purchased for the baby: I have completed my registry and now have on property, or in the process of being shipped, the remainder of the big things and tiny little necessities needed to bring a baby home.
Milestones: If there were a need to house a newborn under my roof right now, I could do so.
Last weekend my husband’s sister came to visit with her family, which includes a daughter who is 1 month younger than Ava would have been. Had I had the normal experience the vast majority of women get-I would be a mother to a 2 year old toddling girl right now- not crying because I got to see first hand what I’m *really* missing all last weekend, nor blogging or working my ass off to repair the damage that 6 pregnancy losses has done to my marriage.
Does this years sadness hold a candle to the pit of hell I was in last year? Absolutely not-because for right now the sadness isn’t compounded by the straight up fear that Ava was as close as I was ever going to get to being a mother and giving my husband the family he deserves. Instead, i just mourned what we lost – my daughter and our marriage bliss as I wondered what next year will bring.
Declan kicked her ass.
4 hours later we left labor and delivery, after she tried to flip him 3 times, (anatomically) exactly as we came in…
with Declan still in Frank Breech position, only with me slightly more sore, and I have to admit, really, really, really, really, really disappointed that yet again I’m not going to be able to experience something normal, like labor and delivery. Which is kind of a bummer because it was the one thing I really thought my body would be able to do and well…you know…maybe give it a chance to make up for all its asshole ways.
Instead-in order to get this baby out-I’m going to have to have my first major surgery ever which could quite possibly decrease my already very shitty fertility odds and it will most likely permanently take away my ability to ever attempt labor and delivery IF by some friggin miracle i were to EVER get here again with a baby who is head down.