Far along: Thursday March 15: 21 weeks

Food aversions: None.

Food indulgences: Corn Chex Cereal (I’ll explain that one in a minute)

Doctors appointments: Basic check up with the nurse at the diabeetus center to go over how to do my nightly insulin injections (yep or course, I would be in the tiny percent of the less than 4% of women who get GD that actually needs to go on insulin because following the diet has done nothing to reduce my blood sugar levels) and my 20 week check up with my local OB that showed your heart rate is still in the high 150’s, my uterus is measuring as if I am 23.5 weeks pregnant at 20.4 weeks placing my fundus just shy of my rib cage (a thank you to my parents for the insanely short torso).  She also noted that over the past 7 weeks I’ve lost a total of 10lbs which she really didn’t like.  I did however remind her that due to a combo of my crazy short torso causing you to be up so high (this early!!) and pushing on my stomach all the time creating a never ending flow of lava in my throat along with this lousy diabeetus diet that is higher in fat than I am used to–eating food has simply become not enjoyable.  At all.   I don’t crave anything I am allowed to eat, and have heart burn all day long which really is a great appetite suppressant.  And what I really want to eat–Chex Cereal and every piece of fruit I lay my eyes on, I’m not allowed to touch because it will send my blood sugar through the roof.

Most memorable moment: Your dad was finally able to feel one of your little movements 2 nights ago (after patiently waiting-with no reward-with his hand on my belly on multiple occasions over the past 2 weeks).  You are such a little show off for me, but you are playing hard to get for him!!

Most anxious moment: There have been many this week, all exactly the same-I completely panic when someone congratulates me and wants to gush over the fact that I am currently pregnant.  Since everyone at work knows I am pregnant (especially with my last day rapidly approaching) there has been a massive influx of members seeking me out once they have heard the double news of the pregnancy and the resigning.  The more happy and excited they are as I am being cornered during the gushing, the more freaked out I become.  I actually break out into hives , start sweating and squirm, it’s awful.  I want to be excited, but instead I feel guilty for taking congratulations for something that I didn’t do yet.  As if I don’t deserve them yet because I might not have a baby at the end of this.  Because being pregnant is nothing (and clearly not worth any congratulations whatsoever) unless you get all the way to the end and get to keep the baby.  I want to be not damaged, I want to be able to truly believe this is my take home baby-instead I feel like a fraud.

Things purchased for the baby: I picked up a stroller off of craigs list.  I absolutely didn’t want to do it-but I also didn’t want to pay full price to buy this same stroller in another 10 weeks when this one was 50% off and new in the box.  So frugal trumped crazy brain and now I have a stroller in a box  in my house because it’s too big to fit in the freezer, where all things that scare the shit out of you belong.

Milestones: We are past the half way mark so there are currently less weeks left to worry about this pregnancy than what I have already worried through!!