I am certain that tomorrow morning at 18dpo (4 weeks and 4 days pregnant) I will have a beta that is slightly higher than 49-as my pee sticks are ever so slightly  increasing in color.

With my track record, the beta will be just high enough that the docs will want me to continue with the drugs and get a repeat beta in a week while also counseling me during the same conversation about potential ectopic pregnancy symptoms but no where near high enough to have the feeling that this might be my take home baby.

I am also certain that there are 4 very important landmarks that are ALWAYS seen in pregnancies that go to term and give you a healthy take home baby…

1. A beta higher than 110 on 14dpo (This one was a FAIL)

2. A beta number that continues to double every 24-48 hours (This one is a FAIL)

3. Having a beta at or above 1200 hCG by 5 weeks gestation (Thanksgiving) (This one is going to be a FAIL)

4. And the last but most important one-being at or above 6000 hCG by 6 weeks gestation-which for me would be December 1st-not without a miracle.

It was my hope that this pregnancy we could FINALLY meet those 4 landmarks so that I might be able to not worry every minute of every hour of every friggin day if my UOD is going to again take away my dreams-because holy shit is this exhausting.

There truly is nothing worse than being betrayed by your own body.