This is a chart of ONLY successful pregnancies (determined by the fact that they reached no less than 8 weeks gestation and had a heart beat) that ONLY 36 year old women had–apparently as we get older, on average, we have to have a higher beta per DPO than when we are younger for it to be a healthy pregnancy.

One can go on to have a healthy take home baby if you are 36 and its lower than what is reported here-however, the further away from the number below, the far less likely you are to have a healthy pregnancy on board.

This is why I wanted 150.  Just slighter higher than the median beta number reported for my age at 14dpo.  Square in the middle, and not in the lower levels that have me trapped in the heart wrenching, knowing miscarriage is inevitable, and that this is not my baby either,  low and slow rising beta hell.

I do not get to be normal today.

My beta is not even 100 even though there was a line on the urine hCG test that claimed I was at 100.

I’m not even at 75.

I’m not even at 50.

49 ladies and gentleman.  40 fucking 9.

I am now squarely situated back in the same damn place I was last August- Low and Slow Rising Beta Hell-only with lots more blood and the knowledge that these  blasts were boys and they were perfect.

*I’m going to go ahead and turn off the comments on this post, not because I don’t love you, but because sometimes I just need to*