Today is 14 days past ovualtion aka 9 days past a day 5 transfer and I am officially 1 month pregnant.

We errr I (its always me never him) mark this milestone by going in for a blood draw for the first in my series of no less than 2 quantitative hCG beta and progesterone level blood tests.  I supposedly will have the results for that test after lunch today-but don’t know exactly when.  I can tell you I’ve never had a beta at 14dpo be higher than 30.  I can also tell you I have been chanting 150 in my head since the day of transfer so that the universe, all of the gods and earth can hear me-I need this number to be 150 or higher to have the feeling that perhaps we get to keep this one. So mentally chant it along with me if you think it might help…

And of course because just STAYING pregnant isn’t challenging and nerve wracking enough for me-this pregnancy which so far has been not at all like the others-is continuing to be not at all like the others by adding in a whole new element of horrifying, fear inducing, emotionally taxing fun…persistent, sometimes even gushing, bright red bleeding out my lady business.

Please baby jesus, make this stop.  Just managing a pregnancy with my history seems so impossibly daunting-please make the blood factor go away.