This morning at 5:45am while trying to make small talk with one of my former clients from a couple years ago while waiting for my current client to return from getting a sip of water..

me: Lookin good momma!

her: Thanks!  Its so hot in here!

me: Yeah I know-its not very conducive to you bun in the oven types so make sure to use the fans and drink lots of water to keep your body temp withing healthy range!

her: Yeah I guess, not much more time to complain about this so I will suck it up!

My client returns who knows of my reproductive woes, he and his wife had reproductive woes that ended with them adopting 3 kids from guatemala after a failed IVF cycle and he knows that I am currently within a week of egg retrieval and of course now has a shocked look on his face as he sees how bubbly and nice I am being to an “effortless breeder…”

me: Oh that’s great, when are you due? (I’m so fucking stupid for asking. fuck me. fuck me. fuck me. you idiot)

her: September 1st

me: (choking back tears trying as hard as possible to keep smiling but know instead its a pained horrid expression) How lucky are you guys, what an amazing Christmas Miracle that was hunh?

her: Oh my god, yeah it was so amazing! We weren’t even trying and found out on Christmas morning!!  Wait, how’d you know that, I haven’t told anyone that???

me: I had one too, due on September 1st-just like you, only we were trying, but just like all the others-I didn’t get to keep my miracle.

I’m certain the debbie downer sad trombone played as I grabbed my client and shooed him outta there before she could grasp what I just said.

You will be happy to know that I did learn my lesson back in December-I haven’t looked up a single due for any other pregnancy I had after that one, nor will I ever.