Is it too fucking much to ask that your doctor proactively tries to find the best way possible to get you to your goal and making sure that along the journey to the goal that we are crossing off the potential bad things that could be the root of our issues along the way so that at the end of the journey we can look back and say-“yep, we tested for that, and tried that.”  Essentially leaving no stone unturned?

The answer is yes.

Yes it is clearly too much to ask.  I am fed up with the blank stares, the forgetting, the fumbling, the lack of communication on their parts which ALWAYS leads to crisis and a lot of work on my part and most of all the fact that I am forced to do all of the leg work and research in order to advocate for my own care.

This is what I am paying you for.  Not for me to come in ask you questions, and have you stare at me blankly and tell me that you just don’t know.  If I am doing all of this-then really what am I paying you for????????

For fuck sake lady c’mon already.  Get with the program.  I don’t want to ever No one should ever have to sit in an office with a supposed doctor and rage draw a flow chart in order to get a point across.  Ever.

Yes-this is the flow chart I drew in front of my doctor-and yes-she looked at me as if I was insane (really, me?? I’m not the supposed doctor here) the entire time I was drawing it and walking her through it.

She again completely denied me a prescription for lovenox, again claimed she had never heard of intralipid infusions to help with immune issues that could be killing my babies in utero-but agreed that PGS could be useful.  Mind you she didn’t come up with that on her own!!!

Oh no, why would she???

You merely have a 35 year old healthy patient sitting in front of you that is normal or above average on all accounts who has lost 6 fucking babies -4 of which were before week 5 and the other 2 both measured behind the entire time with one dying at 9 weeks while the other went on to have no brain or skull and be labeled as non viable at 16 weeks.

Clearly there is s.o.m.e.t.h.i.n.g. fucking wrong here, and if you believe so solidly that #1 I don’t have a blood clotting disorder, and that #2 I don’t have immune issues-then all that is left out of the 3 possible things causing the dead baby syndrome is that we make chromosomally abnormal not healthy babies.  So if that is all that is left in your humble opinion-then why the FUCK wouldn’t you have said “you know what Brooke-I think we should grow these bad boys out to day 3, take a cell out of what ever is still going and look at them to see if you are making some healthy babies using PGS and then do a day 5 transfer of 2 blasts if you have any that survive because I honestly don’t believe in immune disorders and don’t believe you have a clotting issue so at least this way we can rule out bad babies????”

Because she’s a douche canoe, that’s why.

I am so f’ing busy jumping through hoops and red tape in order to get PGS approved for this cycle it is ridiculous.

In addition to the 2 appointments this am (one for blood work the other to meet with douche canoe) I’ve made no less than 10 phone calls in the last 3 hours, 4 phone calls my husbands made in the last 3 hours to get appointments and find out if PGS is possible for next weeks’ retrieval-I also found out that the hospital FORGOT to fill my prescription for antagon (to prevent my LH surge) which I need to start injecting TOMORROW morning-so now I am scrapping to get that filled and overnighted TOO.


Im so fucking pissed off.

And my head still hurts.

Mother fuckers.