There are times along this wonderfully craptacular shit show of a journey to becoming parents that I think “he get’s it, I’m so lucky-thank god he get’s it.”  Then he opens up his mouth and says (or asks) the most ludicrous thing that immediately makes me wonder if I should in fact be procreating with this man and rescind the idea that he get’s it and instead start banging my head on a nearby wall.

So I thought I would try to keep track of this shit my husband says-of course for your amusement-and mostly because I know there isn’t a woman out here going through fertility treatments that doesn’t feel the same way.

After the doctor came in and had me initial all of the consent forms the HSG they told me us that they would use an iodine based liquid to get an xray of my uterus shape and see if my fallopian tubes were open, while I was strapped to the table waiting for the techs to set up…“you had better hope your vagina isn’t allergic to shellfish, did you even ask her?”

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The morning after we have triggered for our first IVF cycle that was a conversion from IUI we were in a crash course IVF informational meeting with the IVF coordinator who is essentially explaining why IVF, how IVF works, how to give shots, and covering all of the legalities of the paper work (this course is typically done the cycle before you begin IVF and is mandatory to go through before they can allow you to retrieve the eggs) the coordinator asks me if I have any questions, I say “no” and looks at my husband and asks him if he has any questions…“IVF, don’t you think this is little extreme?  Have we any other options?”

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While lying in the recovery room after our first day 3 embryo transfer….“They had you opened up so wide I looked over my shoulder to see if they were backing in a tractor trailer carrying our embryos for the transfer-I could see your errr ahh…..WHOLE ….!!“(pretty sure he meant HOLE but i took it like he couldn’t think of how to end the sentence and realized he could, quite possibly, wind up dead).

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While on day 3 of birth control pills the cycle before we started stimming for our upcoming  IVF cycle-in which he has tickets to the Red Sox vs Yankess that could potentially fall around the time of egg retrieval or transfer…“I find this absolutely ridiculous that you can’t tell me what day we will be retrieving the eggs on!”

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