For the past week I have incessantly replayed the following 4 songs on my IPOD while stuck in the car, and then as soon as I get in front of a computer, I pull them up and continue to listen to them while computing.

I have caught myself singing along to the lyrics without realizing what the f they mean.  So just now, I pull the 4 songs lyrics up-and realize “holy good lord I am seriously conflicted.”

I have so much anger, rage, feelings of failure, frustration and fear that they seem to be all that I feel 24 hours a day, every day.  But my sneaky, sneaky brain err heart I suppose, needs something else.

Judge for yourself, are these the 4 preferred tunes of a crazy, raging, really angry LuNaTiC?

Woke up in London yesterday
Found myself in the city near Piccadilly
Don’t really know how I got here
I got some pictures on my phone
New names and numbers that I don’t know
Address to places like Abbey Road
Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want
We’re young enough to say

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life
Say oh, got this feeling that you can’t fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don’t know
Where I’ve been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Col-or-ado
Sometimes there’s airplanes I can’ t jump out
Sometimes there’s bullshit that don’t work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about
When you’re happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life
Say oh, got this feeling that you can’t fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Hopelessly
I feel like there might be something that I’ll miss
Hopelessly
I feel like the window closes oh so quick
Hopelessly
I’m taking a mental picture of you now
‘Cuz hopelessly
The hope is we have so much to feel good about

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life
Say oh, got this feeling that you can’t fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying “Lord I just don’t care”
But you’ve got the love I need To see me through

Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough
And things go wrong no matter what I do
Now and then it seems that life is just too much
But you’ve got the love I need to see me through

When food is gone you are my daily meal
When friends are gone I know my saviour’s love is real
Your love is real

You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love

Time after time I think “Oh Lord what’s the use?”
Time after time I think it’s just no good
Sooner or later in life, the things you love you loose
But you got the love I need to see me through

You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying “Lord I just don’t care”
But you’ve got the love I need to see me through

You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love

I feel sweet, do you feel sweet?
It’s amazing
I have no skin, and I feel everything
It’s amazing
I feel good, when you feel good
I knew I would
It’s amazing
I’ve wanted this for so long
Now the deed has been done,
We shall rise with the sun, we’ll spend our time as one
Now there is no sin, in anything
It’s amazing
I love life, I hope you do too
I love everything
It’s all amazing
I feel new, do you feel new?
I understand when they say we’re born again
‘Cause I’ve been born again
I’m born again
It’s amazing
It’s the best thing
It’s glorious, it’s life changing
This feeling is amazing
It’s the best thing,
it’s glorious, it’s life changing
This feeling

This feeling, whoa oh this feeling
Is amazing
It’s in the stars, in the sun
It’s everywhere and everyone
And it will be everyday
From now on, from now on
Now we are one,
and it’s amazing

It’s in the stars, in the sun,
It’s everywhere and everyone
And it will be everyday
from now on, from now on
Now we are one
And it’s amazing
It’s amazing

Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream he said
The one that makes me laugh he said
And threw his arms around my neck
Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I’ll run away with you
I’ll run away with you

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed his face and kissed his head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make him glow
Why are you so far away, he said
Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you
That I’m in love with you

You, soft and only
You,lost and lonely
You, strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You’re just like a dream
You’re just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe his name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only boy I loved
And drowned him deep inside of me

You, soft and only
You, lost and lonely
You, just like heaven

You, soft and only
You, lost and lonely
You, just like heaven

So… what do you think??

I think not.

I also think my poor heart is sick of me-and trying desperately to get me to cut the shit.

I wish I could-so instead as I rage about my house when no one is home-I cry and sing along with these songs.

Yep, I’m a mess.

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