I have mentioned in the past that one of the most incredible qualities about my husband is how big his heart is. He is one of the most caring people I have ever met. This man will bend over backwards to help anyone out, whenever he can at any cost. If Karma does exist, one would think he should have a blessed life because so much of it would be “coming around”. Instead the poor man has lost both of his parents, struggled to find a life mate and now has lost every baby he’s ever created.
I used to think maybe it’s me, maybe I’m not nearly the giver he is-maybe I’ve been to selfish. But then I reflect on my life and think it’s been no bed of roses for me either. I am a product of a parental divorce at a young age, raised by a verbally abusive alcoholic mother while growing up on food stamps and government assistance-but not quite broke enough to have a free ride through college because my father made 50 grand a year when I was applying to college even though I lived on my own at that point. I am the only child in my family of 6 (2 brothers, 3 half siblings) to go to college and graduate. I am the only child in my family who is married, never been arrested and owns property. I spend my days at work trying to help people feel better about themselves all while I feel so miserable inside I want to hide under my bed. I spend as much time as I can trying to help other women along in their journey who have experienced the same horrible luck in reproduction as I have. In general, I might not be as generous as my husband, but for sure the amount of good I do definitely outweighs the neutral or bad.
So then I look at the sum of all our parts-and I can’t help but wonder-what’s with the fucking heart wrenching never ending shit show???????? When will we get to reap what we sow? We’re tired of sowing. I mean seriously-who wouldn’t be?
And just when we have walked away from the meeting with our Doctor who has essentially told us if nothing shows up on our upcoming tests there is no way to help us get pregnant and stay pregnant, it finally comes around.
A woman who has been a witness to, and recipient of , my husbands kind deeds over the past 8 years asks him how “it’s” going 3 days after our meeting. And instead of saying “fine” so that he doesn’t have to launch into the sadness that just happened last month-he told her the truth. Her response, rather than, “Geesh there’s always adoption” (because apparently all infertile couples have 50-100K just kicking around to spend on MAYBE bringing home a baby-if the mom doesn’t change her mind last minute) was “have you ever thought of using a surrogate.”
We have actually thought about it, and researched the shit out of it-but with the price tag of no less than 100K because neither of us have a family member who could step up to the plate for us-it was again something that wasn’t ever going to be in our reach.
This woman simply said “I have seen you and Brooke together for the past 5 years, and have known you for 8-there is no couple that is more deserving of a child than you two. As a matter of fact, I can’t think of anything more sad than you guys childless for the rest of your lives because both of you truly need to have your own family to help fill in the huge voids left by the passing of your parents. Please let me help you fill that void and end this crazy ride you’ve been on. There is nothing that would make me happier than to help you two bring a baby into this world.”
And there you have it. After being kicked about for the past 2 and a half years, Karma finally found our house.
Now let us all pray that she is in fact able to help us, and that we are able to find the 20K it will cost to make this happen.