Because yesterdays beta hcg blood test came back at 16 (which is horridly low for 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant-a healthy pregnancy beta would be no less than 1800 at this point) an ultrasound can’t be used to see where the slaying of yet another poor fiscabean implantation is trying to take place in order to rule out an ectopic.  Any pregnancy under 1500 hcg would be too small to be seen with ultrasound even if it were actually in the uterus.

Uohdee is still bleeding bright red and other goodies (day 9 of that).

I’m still testing slightly positive on this mornings pregnancy test.

But the good news (if you can even call it that really) is that the line, for the second day in a row, is even lighter which reassures everyone that regardless of where fertilized follicle #2 implanted-it’s dying so there is a very good chance that even if it’s in my fallopian tube I won’t require surgery to remove it.

The center called yesterday afternoon and told me my IVF cycle for this month has been canceled due to this chaos, and future IVF cycles postponed until I meet with the Doctor on Monday May 16th to put together a diagnostic testing plan that will include both blood clotting abnormalities, chromosomal panels, endometrial biopsy and possibly another hysteroscopy.  The hope is that we can figure out why my uterus has these horrid murderous tendencies and please for the love of god, the universe, and my sanity -be able to correct it before we waste another dollar, and the remaining sliver of my mental health on trying to get pregnant only to have it immediately fail.

To keep myself from going insane because there is nothing I can do while miscarrying and WAITING 2 weeks to see my doctor, I will focus my frustrated energy on research.  Being the type A lady that you all have grown to love over the years, I am already thick in the journals looking up the current types of diagnostic tests for recurrent peri-implantation pregnancy loss as well as fertility treatments that have the most success on women who have issues with their uterus that prevent completion of implantation after initial attachment.

Please, no matter what religious affiliation you are, light a candle, burn something and/or say a prayer for my shit.  While it is reassuring that these asshole doctors are finally believing what I’ve been telling them about my Uohdee for the past 12 months all the while they kept telling my I was crazy and not to worry-it was actually far more scary to hear them tell me yesterday that:

“This is troublesome, and absolutely not normal, and even more frustrating because the area of repeated implantation failure is the least understood portion of infertility.”

Also-I’m now accepting offers from any one with an insanely generous soul, under the age of 40, has a uterus and a burning desire to attempt to carry a fiscabean for 9 months.  Good health is preferred, but honestly would accept crack heads and alcoholics as I hear they give birth to healthy babies all the damn time.