True to my word I flew out for a weeks vacation testing negative at 13 days past ovulation and I did exactly as I said I would-I stuck to my plan to fail plan.

Surrounded by a slew of pregnant women frolicking in the ocean while celebrating their baby moons, on the most incredible Caribbean island I have ever seen, I proceeded to get sloppy drunk on Sunday after I tested again (14 days past ovulation) and still nothing on those damn tests so in addition to some very light spotting-I knew I was out for this cycle.

Sticking to the plan of acting as if I’m not until I actually am, I didn’t refrain from partaking in more alcoholic beverages on Monday, and when I woke on Tuesday to even more spotting I called the center to let them know I wasn’t pregnant and to get the ball rolling on *Gulp* IVF cycle number 2.

I put away my pill box full of vitamins and supplements out of disgust and for 4 full days while I was in the thick of my period last week I took Excedrin when I had a headache (no less than 5), Dramamine before heading out on a 5 hour boating expedition and countless libations.  As we were packing up this morning, I realized I was going to have to make a post for my followers to tell them that I wasn’t pregnant, and that we were in deed gearing up for IVF.  So for some sardonic humor I had brought along one of my digital pregnancy tests  so that I could create the following post upon my return…

“I am *great* at black magic!”

Here, see this multimillion dollar view from our abode in paradise?

Now watch as I use my black magic and turn the unbelievable view to shit with a shake of my wand…

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Now I need you to take a minute and mentally insert a picture in the blank spot above of me holding a digital pregnancy test that reads “Not Pregnant” in front of the above multimillion dollar view.

Which is exactly what you will have to do-mentally envision it for me

because son-of-a-mother-fing-bitch, this is the actual shot I got….

Yep.  I know.  Fucking shocking, No?  Can someone really have this much shitty luck??  Yep.  I can.

This is pregnancy #4 for me, and again-it will not end with me finally becoming a mother to a healthy take home baby.

I can’t tell you what the F is going on for sure, but its most likely only 1 of 2 things…I’m miscarrying and tomorrow mornings pregnancy test is going to be lighter than today’s.  Or #2 I’ve got an ectopic pregnancy going on right now and the test strip will be slightly darker tomorrow morning than it was this morning.  Either way, I hate both of those options because they will just delay the start of my IVF cycle and even more important-really make me quite sure that the nagging thought in my head that there is something wrong with my uterus that is preventing a fertilized egg from being able to complete implantation-isn’t just a stupid though but an absolute reality.

I’ll call the center in the morning and leave a voice message, and I am sure it will result in me being pulled out of bed bright and early Monday morning for a blood pregnancy test, and well, you all know how I feel about that.

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