Yeah,yeah, I know-“it only takes just one egg good to make a baby”-trust me, I know this.  And telling me this doesn’t increase my chances of believing it.  I have yet to produce one good egg (and no less than 3 shitty unhealthy, heart breaking ones) to make  a healthy baby, and sometimes I have even made multiple eggs in a cycle or had multiple embryos transferred to my pouch of death-but no matter what those eggs still end up in the Uohdee-so we have to account for that.  While one egg may eventually turn out to be a healthy baby in most women-chances are pretty damn high each cycle with only 1 egg that I am not pregnant-and that’s my reality.

Seeing that we fell far short of the original 3-5 follicles for this IUI cycle by only producing 1 egg, I am spending this 2 week wait (that will end Sunday the 24th) mentally preparing myself for the big, sticky, shit tasting, IVF pill that I have at least an 85% chance of having to swallow.

If someone told me I had an 85% chance of winning the lottery in 2 weeks, you bet your ass I would buy a shit ton of tickets and spend the next 2 weeks planning on what I am going to do with my winnings-so this is essentially no different.

Pessimistic you say?  I don’t think so, nor does Mr. Halpern … “No, I’m not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain’t shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist.”

I am also bracing for impact as well because I have agreed to take progesterone during this 2 week wait, which makes me feel like I am pregnant even though I’m not, hormonally raging, extremely hungry and once I stop taking the progesterone (because most likely I won’t be  pregnant in 14 days) it sends me spiraling through the 18 levels of depressive hell-oh and the zits are just incredible too.  On the upside the day I fly out for a week vacation I will know if I am pregnant so I will at least be able to spiral through hell completely shit faced, while in 85 degree sunny weather and in the company of Christine, her husband and my husband so I couldn’t have planned to fail any better.

I have my marching orders for IVF cycle #2 which will start when my period shows up in 2 weeks…and loosely lined up looks like:

Blood work on May 18th

Lupron injections nightly May 19-May 27

Blood Work to check suppression, if ovaries are nice and suppressed

Begin nightly injections of Gonal F May 28-June 10 (possibly longer depending on follicles)

Trigger hCG shot June 11, Egg Retrieval 36 hours later, Blastocyte Transfer 5 days after retrieval.

I will continue to pray for help from the Universe, the baby jesus, (because I also like the Christmas baby Jesus the best), Oprah Winfrey and of course Tom Cruise so that he can use his witch craft to get this fire off of me.