The Field of Dreams.  Great movie, right?  Right!  So many memorable quotes!

 

And now of course, The Field of Dreams as adapted by me…

 

So far that hasn’t been the case.

Instead I have found that if you push it-you will be taunted by surrounding drunkards and have the aftermath send  you spiraling through the 18 layers in hell (not to be confused, of course, with the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest that Buddy the Elf went through).

So let me explain…a month ago we happened to be out in public (gasp!), with many of our friends (double gasp!!).  I know it’s shocking to believe, but I was!  And at a very large Medieval Times Winter Carnival Parade with a  couple bunches of our friends scattered about the length of the parade.  We were also with friends who have a beautiful 2 year old girl and her stroller in tow, which was conveniently housing our beverages while she was being held by her dad for better parade viewing.

To say it was jammed and busy along the very tight side walks with insane snow banks everywhere would be an understatement, so moving from point A to point B became tricky due to waiting for an opening in the crowd big enough so that we could pass through.   We had become separated from my husband and a group of his friends that had some small kids with them and a better view of the upcoming horses.  So without any other thought in my mind other than to help get everyone rallied, while the parents of this beautiful girl were occupied with her, I opted to grab a hold of the empty stroller cooler and essentially break a trail for all of us.

As I charged ahead using the stroller to clear a path in the crowd-a very large, very drunk man dressed as a Knight hollered as I passed him ” Hey lady, your missing your baby!!”  Somehow even intoxicated, without missing a beat-my mouth opened and “No shit asshole, and you have no idea how much it fucking sucks” shot out.  I think I made it maybe 5 more feet before yet another drunkard, this time dressed in hunting attire (not even going with the theme you jerk off) proceeds to ask me “Hey what’s the hurray?  You’re baby is gone!”  “Actually not just one baby, but two babies are gone and the hurray is I’m not getting any younger you dickwad, now get out of my way!”

And of course as I pull up with the stroller on the verge of rage tears in front of my husbands friend who just had baby number 3 (healthy girl, with a brain and everything) and who knew #1 how much I want to be a mom, #2 how much my husband wants to be a dad, #3 about our loss last January #4 about our struggles with infertility and IVF and #5 about our miscarriage in December-immediately looks at the empty stroller and then at me with utter confusion and asks “so what’s with the stroller?”

So happy that my jester mask covering my face hid my tears as they slid down my cheeks I replied “It’s the stroller of dreams, I am hoping if I push it while being taunted by everyone around me, a healthy baby will come-but this time to ME.”  She looked horrified, which of course was exactly what I was going for (again a sign that I’m just not right) and when my husband leaned over and asked what was going on, I turned to him and responded…

“It’s ok honey, I was just talking to the cornfield ah, errr I mean stroller.”

 

 

In the field of dreams they said that if you believe the impossible, the incredible can come true.

How right they were.  At this point, that is exactly how the idea of having just one healthy baby in my arms feels-absolutely impossible.

I don’t need a whole field of dreams-just one incredible one.

Amen.

 

 

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