To know me is to respect the fact that I think things are funny. It is only lately that humor has been hard to find. But even in my darkest days-sardonic humor has been my friend. I can almost find humor in everything.
Especially potty humor, double entendre’s and Will Ferrell….
Good day, America. I am presently at war. I am engaged in a deadly stand-off with an Axis of Evil. You know who I’m talking about – My Uterus of Death, My Reproductive Endocrinologist, and one of the Koreas.
But my Axis of Evil doesn’t seem to interest most people out there. Some people just want to talk about their pregnant bellies, and newborns, and how easy they got pregnant with their healthy baby. I bet most of you out there don’t even understand how easy you got pregnant with your healthy baby. I sure as heck don’t! It hurts my head to think about it. So, from now on, people who get pregnant easily with a healthy baby will be part of my Axis of Evil. I don’t want to hear anything else about people who get pregnant easily, unless our military has pounded them into submission. So, look out, you easily pregnant women with healthy babies – you’re now part of the Axis of Evil!
So is Cigna Health Insurance. I don’t like the way Cigna is acting; not very American, it’s evil! Cigna is now a part of my Axis of Evil.
Also, I don’t like the nursing staff at my RE’s office. You know why? They are insensitive, compassion-less douche bags. You know where that leads them? You got it. They’re now part of the Axis of Evil.
So, quick recap – that’s Uohdee , My RE, people who get pregnant easily with healthy babies, Cigna and the nursing staff… and one of those Koreas. They all form a terrible Axis of Evil, standing in the way of all that I as a Female value.
And my husbands co-worker’s wives who love to give me advice on how to get pregnant. They don’t like me saying anything about my “Axis of Evil”, so guess what? They’re now a part of the very same Axis of Evil that they don’t like me saying. How do you like them apples, ladies? Next time, you keep your mouth shut. You mess with Brooke, and it’s straight to the Axis of Evil, got it?
Germany, Italy, Japan – they were the original Axis of Evil. Maybe they thought I would forget, but I didn’t. They’re back in!
Here’s one you probably didn’t expect – my husband. Now, he’s up to something, and I don’t like it! He’s never around. If I’m in the bedroom, he’s not. If I’m in the living room, no where in sight. He’s very sneaky; not to mention, gassy. I’m putting him in the Axis of Evil – for now.
Evil Knievel’s going in the Axis of Evil – but that’s a no-brainer. But Dr. Evil? No; he makes me laugh, so he’s out.
So, you see, America? There’s nothing to fear. Everything’s fine. Don’t listen to what those nurses say. Why? Because they like math, and math is very much a part of my Axis of Evil.
If you are currently trying to figure this post out, then our humor might not be quite the same-you will have to watch this 3 minute clip before you can totally understand what the heck I am blogging about here.
If you get me and love Will’s days on SNL, you’ll also love the clip too!