Thank you everyone for the thoughts over the past few weeks-they sucked, and without your support I might still be in the fetal position, babbling incoherently while covered with dog hair and hiding under my bed.  Who ever sent me flowers-you made my week, I just wish you would have signed the card because I would have loved to tell you in person!!

I have received no less than 10 emails in the past 3 days from you wondering what’s next-so I took that as a sign that I should get my act together and update with a post…so here it is…

Meet Uohdee, aka U.O.D. aka Uterus Of  Death.

Since I still want to create a life that is part me and part of my husband, and can’t seem to quite scrounge up the 100K from the sofa cushions and car floor mats that it would cost for a surrogate to carry our genetic off spring and then hand it over to us, I have no other choice than to continue on with these horrid fertility treatments.

The doctors said my pregnancy was lost last cycle because of failure to implant.  No shit.  Seriously do they go to school to learn a fancy way to tell you something you already know?  We don’t know why the baby couldn’t completely implant into my uterus-it is either because there is something wrong inside my uterus that we have yet to discover or simply because the baby wasn’t healthy.  They claim statistically speaking that chances are high it was an unhealthy baby and continue to tell me my fears about my uterus are unfounded.

I call bullshit on their claim.  I just don’t buy it.  I don’t believe this has anything to do with my embryo quality and everything to do with scarring left over from the procedure a year ago.  There is way too much coincidence in ripping out some of the scar tissue from my cervix with a camera and then getting pregnant 14 days later for the first time in 10 trying cycles with no drugs , one egg and just one time of plain old normal sex after no less than 16 eggs have been released into my Uohdee this past year.

However, I can’t prove them wrong nor make them listen to me so all I can do is keep on keeping on.  I am currently cycle day 11 and will head in to the center on Thursday for an ultrasound and blood draw to see if I meet the criteria to attempt to have the frozen embryos thawed out and placed back into Uohdee next week.

I am of course breaking standard protocol for a frozen embryo transfer (FET) because I flat-out refused to take a bunch of drugs to shut my hormones down, then a bunch of drugs to mimic the hormones that I would have had if I hadn’t taken the drugs to shut my body down in the first place merely so that the doctors can have ease in scheduling my FET so that it works with their operating room schedule.  Yup that’s right-there is absolutely no other reason for someone to take all of these drugs for a FET unless they have completely out of whack cycles and issues with their body chemistry other than the fact that it makes it easier for the doctors to schedule stuff.

I don’t care about making it easier for the doctors,and have perfectly normal (actually above average for my age) reproductive chemistry.   Because of  this I was allowed to bypass all of the drugs normally taken for a FET and as long as my Uohdee has a lining thickness of at least 7mm and I have 1 follicle 15mm or bigger AND I haven’t surged on my own before Thursday at 8am-I will be scheduled for the FET next week.

Of course nothing can ever be that simple-chances are high I could actually surge on Thursday (CD13 which is the day I typically surge on during un-medicated cycles) which means I would be 1 day too early to do a FET this month because get this, they refuse to do any retrievals or transfers until Jan 10 because “they are closed for 6 weeks from 12/1-1/10 for annual machine maintenance.”  So not only must I meet their criteria physiologically, I must not do so before Friday otherwise, no FET for me till the week of February 7th.

Oh yeah and as if that isn’t enough peril, there is also a chance that neither one of the embryos will survive the thawing process so even if I meet the criteria, and I don’t surge before Friday, there is a 25% chance that my FET could be canceled because I have no embryos to put back in me.

So there you have it.  By this time next week I *might* have 1, 2 or no embryos in my Uohdee, as always I must wait to find out.