As insanely sucky as the past 24 months have been reproductively speaking, I have realized that there are a handful of things that even on my darkest days I am incredibly thankful for. Without these things I would have no way of finding even a flicker of light in my darkness.

Christine I can’t count how many times over the past 6 months you’ve sat with me in this PIT. If not for you I have no idea how I would have managed the days after my IVF fail. You are the first person I have spent time with since I lost Ava, that made the same faces at the pregnant strangers you passed on the street that I’ve been making alone for the last year. You made me feel like I wasn’t a damaged messed up woman. By meeting you and discussing the shitty ins and outs that have become our lives after our losses, I realized what I am feeling and the visceral responses I am having now are actually NORMAL for woman who have endured the shit we have. I love you, I am so thankful for you and look forward to our future as inseparable friends.

Annie you swooped into my life with a cape and the superpower to hold my head above the water in the first few weeks after my loss when I was suffering. Without a mom and my best friend on the other side of the world,  I have never felt so alone in my entire life. Not only were you there for me but you knew EXACTLY what I was going through. You helped me find my voice and stand up for myself in order to protect my extremely fragile heart. You raged with me, cried with me and soon I will cry tears of joy with you when you finally have your first healthy take home baby this month! I will forever be thankful for your friendship and hope that one day we meet in real life sipping our coffees while my infant is in a bassinett and your first-born is getting his license; )!

Megan even on the other side of the world and never going through any of these issues personally,  you have been able to say all the right things. So many of the women I’ve met, that have gone through the same shit as me, have said it’s so hard to talk about this with their girlfriends. I have always been thankful for the special bond we’ve had over the last 11 years and especially so this year. Thank you for being you and loving me.

And last my family–Paul and Dublin. It takes a very special man to look at a broken woman who has just asked you a loaded question and simply respond “you, me and Mr. D, just us three, is alright by me.” I love you and hope that one day in our future I am able to give you a child so that you can have a relationship that will help you fill the void in your life after losing your father.
These are the things I am most thankful for.

May 2011 bring those people everything they wish for, and me too please.
Amen.
Happy New Year!

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