I am actually so upset by what happened last week that it has taken me over a week to even be able to blog about how my cycle wrapped up and where I am right now.

I just refuse to do this wait.

I so refuse to do this wait, that by typing about this appointment and my wait, it makes me feel like I am agreeing to it.  I’m not going to take this.  I flat out refuse to take this on the grounds that I have taken too much already.  And just like twisted sister, I’m not going to take it, oh no, I’m not going to take it, I’m not going to take it anymore.

Please keep the above in mind as you read the following from my appointment…

On Monday November 8th I went in to the center at 7am to inform the nurses that I wasn’t pregnant and have a blood test anyways-just to confirm.

Nurse: So do you have a feeling either way?

Me: Yeah, I am pretty sure I’m not-being that you made me wait until I was 16dpo to give me a beta blood test when most places bring you in at 12-13dpo.  I’ve been testing with the super sensitive tests since last week and there’s nothing showing on them-not even a hint of something, and as a matter of fact even with all the progesterone and estrogen I am on right now, I am spotting today.

Nurse: Oh, you’re probably right, but we have to do this blood test to confirm.  If you are right, then the team will review your case and I’ll call you next week (keep in mind it’s MONDAY AT 7AM) to tell you what the next cycles plan is-but most likely they will want to do another round of IVF even though you have 2 frozen embryos.

Me: Ummmmmmm.  What?

Nurse: Well I can’t say for sure, but that is usually what happens with patients similar to you.

Me: Excuse me, I might actually throw up.  Are you serious?  I have absolutely NO interest in proceeding with more drugs over another 6 weeks, then the actual retrieval and transfer when I just paid $800 to cryopreserve not 1 but 2 grade A perfect 8 cell embryos.  Not to mention the fact that I would prefer to have the doctor look inside my uterus to confirm there are no polyps, scar tissue from the surgery in January or anything  else going on in there that actually prevented the 2 perfect embryos that were just placed in my uterus 2 weeks ago from implanting.

Nurse: Oh, well if that’s how you feel-I can’t do anything right now.  The doctors are all backed up due to some bullshit lie to cover the fact that they are on vacations for thanksgiving conferences. The earliest Dr. Ginsburg will be able to meet with you to discuss and further diagnostic exams will be December 13th.

Me: Seriously?  You’re joking, no?  Tell me you’ve got some cameras hidden up in there and I am on candid camera right now.  5 weeks?  That’s your standard for meeting with your doctor once you have gone through an IVF cycle that didn’t result in pregnancy when I had a 60% chance of being pregnant?? You do realize that’s not just one full cycle of waiting but 2-and that’s only to “meet” not to have anything done.  12 days before Christmas???  I know what that means you know, we’re talking January at best before something is done.  This is not ok.

Nurse: We will put you on the call list for cancellations, but honestly the next time she is up here is the 13th of DECEMBER.  That’s the best we can do right now.  Until we get your blood test back, we can’t do anything-because you *might* be pregnant.

Me: (Welling up with tears of frustration-that make me even more angry because now I look like a cry baby when really I am bullshit and just about ready to throw something across the office or set the place on fire) You and I both know that I have a better chance of monkeys flying directly out of my ass than being pregnant right now-or any time in the forseeable future based off of what you’ve just told me.

Nurse: (Ignoring my outburst) I’ll call you by lunch time with your results.


She did call by lunch and did tell me that I wasn’t pregnant-and also confirmed that I could meet with the doc on Monday morning December 13th to discuss my wishes for a hysteroscopy.

I’m telling you-that this 5 week wait is unacceptable, and I will not take this.