No! It’s Supersperm!
After my husband’s initial unmasked reaction of absolute disgust when handed his cup and directions by the fertility coordinator, I was a bit worried that we were no longer a united front. However, once the results came back on Monday all within normal ranges after the “family members” had been in the cup for an hour due to our house being so far away from the clinic (optimal is from the testes to the lab in under 20 minutes) and neither of us read the fine print so he turned in a sample that had been in the chamber for more than 4 days (yet another no no optimal is 48 to 72 hours after cleaning out the pipes) hubby proclaimed that he has “Supersperm.” And not super as in good sperm, super as in Super hero-esque type of sperm. While I immediately corrected him and said “No honey, she didn’t say you have super mobility, quantity or morphology, she merely said your results were all within normal ranges so you have “Normalsperm!” After a brief silence while he absorbed what I said-he then proclaimed yet again “I have Supersperm!” I decided this battle was lost, and said “yes honey, supersperm.”
We followed the rules to the T today (under 20 minutes in the cup and 60 hours of rest since the weekend baby making fun time) for the visit to the clinic to have his sperm put into my uterus to place those guys where they need to be to catch those eggs. And of course as hubby is trailing behind me he hears the tech who processed his sperm this evening say “great sample, excellent quantity before we spun it, and even excellent after it was spun.” His chest puffed right up and he walked strutted the rest of the way down the hall as I could hear him whispering “Supersperm!!!!” under his breath and caught out of the corner of my eye, his arms up in the air in triumph. He spent the next 5 minutes while we were waiting for magic hands Bertram (she is so good at what she does that she has been dubbed this by her colleagues) to come in to do the procedure touting his Supersperm accolades while I just kept saying “yes honey”, “mmmmhhhnnn”. “Yup good job”. Finally when I think I have pacified him, M.H. Bertram sits down and immediately says “great job with your sample! There were so many we couldn’t count them!” Again both arms go up in the air-“It is because I have SUPERSPERM!!!” my husbands proclaims loudly. I correct the doc and tell her I won’t be able to get him and his super sized head out of the office if she keeps this up, and of course she encourages him even more by leaning over to look under my leg to make eye contact with him “GREAT sample!”
Now I know what you’re thinking, I am not making this stuff up-you can’t make stuff up like this!!!
We have been home for about 2 hours-he has snuck up on me no less than 3 times to throw his hands in the air and yell “SUPERSPERM.” Yep 42 going on 10. Let’s hope those supersperm do their job and seek out only healthy eggs and make us a SuperFiscababy!